This is a blurred photo I took the other day, September 18, 2020. It wasn't the best place but it was a good place to unwind and to feel that you are just a part of a bigger picture. Today, I realized many things one of them is "letting God" just letting things happen. Just accepting the fact that I am powerless and I don't own anything or anyone in this world. I can't hold on to things. I can only strive to be better and to acknowledge the fact that though I am hurting and in pain I am "surviving".
"I am stronger that's why I am alive" I am still alive. After 26 years of merely existing and contradicting myself, I am still alive. That is a milestone, I should acknowledge. Maybe in the future I can open all this up for the world to know and encourage them that we are all warriors and we fight not to succumb but to elevate to survive, always to survive. For love, for the unknown future, for hope and faith.
Someday, everything will fall into place and I will know. For now, accept. For now, breathe. For now, stay still.
I have always looked at other people as "lucky" lucky because I think I am unlucky. I always think that these people didn't have to work as hard as I do but still get more than the credits I get. I look at them with envious eyes and I look at the world differently because of all these. Perhaps I was angry since I was a little girl, because I can't get the family that I deserve, the love that I want and the compassion that I wanna get. Up until now it is still the same. I am dubbing myself as "unlucky" because even if I showered the world with love, be a wonderful lover, a good daughter and a generous friend. The world will still revolve and give me "shit". And I always thought to myself "of all these people I was chosen to be in this situation". I couldn't help it still, 'cause I am powerless and can't really do anything about any situation I just stood still and let it be, I didn't know how but I have always survived.
I am probably unlucky in these world full of lucky idiots, will still probably be unlucky until my last breath. But look, I am a strong independent unlucky bastard who is still sane despite being miserable.
Diamond in the rough.
